Fool of a Took: Pippin's Journal
by Hobbit4Lyfe
Summary: Peter Jackson's Lord of the Rings movies, as told by Pippin Took. Dedicated to my friend, Katherine, whose favorite character is Pippin. Please review.
1. The Party

Well, that could've gone a lot better.

* * *

><p>Everyone at the party was distracted, so Merry and I snuck into Gandalf's firework cart to steal the grand finale and set it off early. I don't know why Merry made me be the one to do the dirty work and get it from the cart while he got to do all of the planning. He swore that this time we'd switch…<p>

Anyways, I have no idea what was going through my head when I decided to set the firework up inside the tent. We started tossing the thing around and it blew up in our faces.

At first, everyone freaked out. And then, they enjoyed themselves once the dragon exploded into a shower of sparks.

Merry and I were about to go do it again, but, of course, Gandalf caught us and gave us dish duty.


	2. Shortcut to Mushrooms

It all started with food. Not my own, of course. Merry and I were so hungry, and we just so happened to be near Farmer Maggot's…

* * *

><p>Merry and I were at Farmer Maggot's, taking… permanently borrowing… stealing… vegetables once again. We thought we were out there alone when we heard voices in the nearby crops.<p>

"Oh my gosh! Is the food talking? Holy crap! Haunted food!" I said to Merry.

"Shhh! They sound familiar!"

We started running towards them.

"Sam! We're still in the Shire! What could possibly happen?" one of the voices said.

Apparently me and Merry. I ran over one of the people, and then Merry ran over the other.

"Frodo? Merry! It's Frodo Baggins!"

"Hello, Frodo!" Merry said.

"Get off of him!" Sam said, dragging me off of Frodo. "Frodo, are you all right?"

"What's the meaning of this?" Frodo asked.

"Hold this!" Merry said, handing his food to Sam.

"You've been into Farmer Maggot's crop!"

We heard dogs barking and someone yelling, and took off. Sam was a bit slower than the rest of us, as he slowly realized the trick Merry played on him.

Farmer Maggot, brandishing a scythe, said, "Hoi! You get back here! Wait 'til I get this through you! Get outta my fields! You'll know the devil if I catch up with you!"

"Dunno why he's so upset," Merry said. "It's only a couple of carrots!"

I continued, "And some cabbages… And those few bags of potatoes we lifted last week… And the mushrooms the week before!"

"Yes, Pippin! My point is, he is clearly overreacting! Run!"

I stopped short with Frodo and Merry behind me. We almost ran off a cliff… and then Sam knocked us off.

At the bottom, I almost landed in I don't want to know what.

"Oooh, that was close!" I said, referring to both the chase and the… stuff… a few inches from my face.

"Ow! I think I broke something!" Merry said. He pulled a broken carrot from beneath him.

Sam said, "Trust a Brandybuck and a Took!"

"What?" Merry said. "That was just a detour! A shortcut!"

"A shortcut to what?"

"Mushrooms!" I shouted, glancing over at some growing not too far away.

The three of us ran over to them, arguing over them. Frodo stood there, looking down the road.

"I think we should get off the road," he said.

As something came towards us, he yelled at us, "Get off the road! Quick!"

We grabbed our things and hid in the roots of a nearby tree. A horse came near us.

"Shhh… stop it! Be quiet!" Sam said.


	3. The Black Rider

And then there was this freaky horseman, if you can even call it a man…

* * *

><p>Merry and I quit fooling around.<p>

The freaky cloaked rider jumped off his/its horse and came over to the tree. It grabbed one of the tree roots above us and started sniffing around.

It had this really strange black armor on, in addition to the cloak. Its hand looked kinda like a claw.

All of these bugs came out of nowhere.

Then Frodo started acting really freaky and messing with something. I couldn't really see with what. Maybe I didn't want to see. He stopped almost as soon as he started.

Merry threw some of the vegetables from Farmer Maggot's off into the distance. The freaky horse rider chased after the food. Then we ran away.

After a little while, we stopped.

"What was that?" Merry asked Frodo.

Frodo didn't reply.


	4. Night Chase to the River

Even that night, we were being chased by the freaky riders.

* * *

><p>Another Black Rider followed us that night.<p>

As we dodged around trees, Sam asked, "Anything?"

"Nothing," Frodo said.

"What's going on?" I asked.

Merry, just as curious as I was, said, "That Black Rider was looking for something… or someone. Frodo?"

"Get down!" Sam said.

We all crouched down. The Black Rider left… or so we thought.

Frodo said, "I have to leave the Shire. Sam and I must go to Bree."

Bree? I heard some interesting things about Bree… Anyways…

"Right," Merry said. "Buckleberry Ferry. Follow me."

Another Black Rider, or maybe the same one, I don't know, cut us off as we started off towards the ferry. Frodo got caught up most as Merry, Sam, and I made it over a nearby fence and to the ferry, which was actually more of a small raft, the more I think about it. Frodo made it over the fence without being caught, just barely.

I shouted, "Run! This way! Follow me! Run!"

"Get the rope, Sam," Merry said. He and Sam untied the ferry as I started to push off.

"Frodo!" Sam screamed.

We all started screaming for him to hurry up. Frodo yelled back for us to go on. We still screamed for him to hurry up.

Then Frodo jumped onto the ferry.

The Black Rider stopped short of the river, its horse screaming. It rode away with two more following it.

"How far to the nearest crossing?" Frodo asked.

Merry replied, "Brandywine Bridge. 20 miles."

The two of us still had no idea what's going on.


	5. The Prancing Pony

The people in Bree freak me out.

* * *

><p>It was raining pretty hard when we finally got to Bree.<p>

Frodo knocked on the gate in the wall that surrounded the town. A peephole above us opened, and then quickly shut. One closer to our level opened.

The gatekeeper asked, "What do you want?"

Frodo told him, "We're heading for the Prancing Pony."

The gatekeeper let us in. Surprised, he said, "Hobbits! Four hobbits! What business brings you to Bree?"

"We wish to stay at the inn," Frodo said. "Our business is our own."

"All right, young sir, I meant no offense. 'Tis my job to ask questions after nightfall. There's talk of strange folk abroad. Can't be too careful."

We made our way to the inn. The people we passed were creepy, and, frankly, rude. It was a relief to finally arrive at the inn and get out of the rain… even though it was pretty crowded.

We went to check in. The desk was much taller than us.

"Excuse me," Frodo said.

The innkeeper, Barliman Butterbur, leaned over the desk and said, "Good evening, little masters. If you're looking for accommodation, we've got some nice, cozy, hobbit-sized rooms available, Mr., uh…"

"Underhill," Frodo said. "My name's Underhill."

I'm not sure where that name came from, but I guess it was a good idea to have a false name after being chased by those freaky riders.

"Underhill, yes," Butterbur said.

Frodo asked, "We're friends of Gandalf the Grey. Can you tell him we've arrived?"

"Gandalf? Gandalf… Oh, yes! I remember! Elderly chap, big grey beard, pointy hat… Not seen him for six months!"

We stepped back.

"What do we do now?" Sam asked.


	6. At the Bar

OMG! The bar at the Prancing Pony is AMAZING!

* * *

><p>We went to the bar at the inn. People kept giving us strange looks.<p>

"Sam, he'll be here. He'll come," Frodo said.

Merry walked up after getting a drink. Some man yelled at him for being in the way. I don't know why. Merry was just walking. He sat down.

Let me tell you, the drink he had was HUGE!

"What's that?" I asked.

"This, my friend, is a PINT!"

Holy crap!

"It comes in pints? I'm getting one!" And so I did.

As I ran away, I heard Sam say, "That fellow's done nothin' but stare at you since we arrived."

I assumed he was talking about this creepy hooded man in the corner. It's true he was staring at us, well, Frodo, the whole time. I hoped he wasn't one of those Black Riders.

I saw Frodo take Butterbur aside and say, "Excuse me… that man in the corner… who is he?"

Butterbur told him, "He's one of them Rangers. Dangerous folk they are, wandering the wilds. What his right name is, I've never heard, but around here, he's known as Strider."

"Strider…"

The guy next to me started talking about rumors about Bilbo's big party a while back. He noticed that I'm a hobbit and asked if I knew any Bagginses.

"Sure, I know a Baggins!" I told him. "He's over there! Frodo Baggins! He's my second cousin once removed on his mother's side and my third cousin twice removed on his father's side, if you follow me."

Smooth move, Pippin. Go ahead and blow his cover. Strider and Frodo both caught notice. Frodo ran over and called me out on it.

He tripped over someone and something shiny flew into the air. He caught it… and disappeared.


	7. Rescue Mission

And now, for the rescue mission, of sorts…

* * *

><p>For a few minutes, we all just sat there, trying to process what just happened. I know Frodo disappeared, but…<p>

Then he suddenly reappeared.

Strider came up behind Frodo and grabbed him.

"You draw far too much attention to yourself, Mr. 'Underhill,'" Strider said.

And then, the two of them both disappeared… up the stairs. Frodo got sort of tossed up them.

"Now what do we do?" I asked.

"What do we do?" Sam repeated. "We go upstairs and rescue Mr. Frodo!"

Sam, Merry, and I went up there with whatever random weapons we could find. Sam knocked the door in.

"Let him go, or I'll have you, Longshanks!" he yelled.

Strider put away a sword that he'd pulled out before the three of us got up there.

"You have a stout heart, little hobbit, but that will not save you. You can no longer wait for the wizard, Frodo. They're coming."


	8. A Knife in the Dark

Just when we were able to relax, things went crazy again. I should probably stop being surprised by that.

* * *

><p>Frodo, Sam, Merry, and I never did go to our nice, hobbit-sized room that night.<p>

OK, technically, we did, but just to make it look like we were staying there in case the inn was invaded by those freaky riders. Then we went back to Strider's room and stayed there.

Strider watched out the window while the four of us hobbits somehow managed to go to sleep, at least, for a little while. Actually, it was more like Merry and I passed out, be it from exhaustion or the alcohol.

Apparently, while we were asleep, the Black Riders got into town and into our hobbit room. They stabbed at what they thought were us. Luckily, they were actually pillows.

I hope we don't have to pay for those pillows…

The four of us woke up and realized that the Riders were there when they started screaming in realization that they'd been tricked. Strider continued watching out the window as the Riders rode away.

"What are they?" Frodo asked Strider.

"They were once Men, great kings of Men," Strider said. "Then, Sauron the Deceiver gave to them nine Rings of Power. Blinded by their greed, they took them without question, one by one falling into darkness. Now they are slaves to his will. They are the Nazgûl, Ringwraiths, neither living nor dead. At all times, they feel the presence of the Ring, drawn to the power of the One. They will never stop hunting you."


	9. Going to See the Elves

Needless to say, we got our butts out of Bree early the next morning.

* * *

><p>Strider got us a pony to help carry stuff on our journey. Not that we all knew where we were going.<p>

Apparently, the pony's name was Bill. What was I saying? Oh, yeah.

Frodo voiced the question on all of our minds: "Where are we going?"

"Into the wild," Strider said.

"How do we know this Strider is a friend of Gandalf?" Merry whispered to Frodo.

"I think a servant of the enemy would look fairer and feel fouler."

"He's foul enough!"

"We have no choice but to trust him."

Sam wasn't quite so quiet in asking, "But where is he leading us?"

"To Rivendell, Master Gamgee, to the House of Elrond."

"Did you hear that? Rivendell! We're going to see the elves!"


	10. Second Breakfast

Food: It's amazing. I still don't know why Strider doesn't seem to know about all the meals.

* * *

><p>Later that morning, we hobbits stopped. We were all really hungry, so we got stuff out to start cooking.<p>

Strider paused, looking back at us. "Gentlemen, we do not stop 'til nightfall."

"What about breakfast?" I asked.

"We've already had it."

"We've had one, yes. What about second breakfast?"

Strider just walked away.

"Don't think he knows about second breakfast, Pip," Merry said.

"What about elevenses? Luncheon? Afternoon tea? Dinner? Supper? He knows about them, doesn't he?"

"I wouldn't count on it."

Dang it.

An apple flew over some bushes. Merry caught it. He passed it to me and patted my shoulder. He walked away. Another apple came out of nowhere and slapped me on the head. I looked around, trying to figure out where it came from.

"Pippin!" Merry called.


	11. Swamps and Bugs

I don't like bugs. I really don't like bugs. I really don't like swamps, either.

* * *

><p>A few more hours later, we passed through a swamp. It was a disgusting mess. All of these midges kept attacking us.<p>

Merry swatted at a huge cloud attacking him, asking "What do they eat when they can't get Hobbit?"

Of course, I was the only one that fell over into a huge puddle.


	12. Sad Songs

At least we got out of that stupid swamp by the end of the day.

* * *

><p>We finally stopped for the night a while after sunset. Strider caught us a deer for dinner.<p>

While Merry, Sam, and I fell asleep later that night, Strider kept watch and tended the fire. Frodo seemed to doze off, but I don't think he really fell asleep.

As I fell asleep, I faintly heard Strider singing, "Tinúviel elvanui, elleth alfirin ethelhael, o hon ring finnil fuinui, a renc gelebren thiliol."

I'm not sure what he was singing about. It sounded cool, though. Depressing, but cool.

I heard Frodo get up and ask, "Who is she, this woman you sing of?"

"'Tis the Lay of Lúthien, the Elf-maiden who gave her love to Beren, a mortal."

"What happened to her?"

"She died."

There was a slight pause.

"Get some sleep, Frodo."

That night, I can't remember the dreams I had, but I vaguely remember them being sad.


	13. At the Top of the Hill

Of course those stupid Black Riders followed us when we left Bree.

* * *

><p>The following evening, we approached this big hill thing with stone ruins on top.<p>

"This was the great watchtower of Amon Sûl," Strider said. "We shall rest here tonight."

A couple hours later, we stopped in a little cave near the top of the hill. We started to get settled in when Strider unwrapped four short swords from a bundle and gave them to us. "These are for you. Keep them close. I'm going to have a look around. Stay here."

He disappeared for a few hours. It slowly started to get dark, both from night and from storm clouds. Frodo dozed off.

While he was asleep, Merry, Sam, and I decided to start a fire and make dinner.

"My tomato's burst," Merry said.

"Can I have some bacon?" I asked.

"OK. Want some tomatoes, Sam?"

"What are you doing?" Frodo asked.

We didn't know he'd woken up.

"Tomatoes, sausages, and nice, crispy bacon," Merry said.

Sam said, "We saved some for you, Mr. Frodo."

Frodo ran over, screaming, "Put it out, you fools! Put it out!" He started to put the fire out.

I said, "Oh, that's nice! Ash on my tomatoes!" I was hungry.

Apparently the three of us were also stupid. We heard one of the Black Riders screaming. We looked outside the cave and saw five of the Riders start to come up the hill. Frodo herded us up some stairs to the ruins.


	14. Fight at the Ruins

Those Black Riders attacked us at the ruins.

* * *

><p>The four of us had our swords out. Merry, Sam, and I had to make do with defending Frodo on our own, since Strider still hadn't come back.<p>

The Black Riders made it to the top of the hill pretty quickly, pulling out their swords and surrounding us. The Riders' swords made ours look like toothpicks.

"Back, you devils!" Sam yelled.

He attacked the Riders and was tossed away. Merry and I tried to defend Frodo in the space Sam left, but we were thrown away, too. That definitely left a mark.

Frodo retreated, dropping his sword. He fell over and got stuck against a pillar. He started messing with something in his pocket. The Rider that seemed like the leader took out his own dagger, which we didn't notice before. Frodo tried to get away, but couldn't. He disappeared again.

Merry, Sam, and I panicked, because we weren't sure what to do. Again.

An eternal minute or two later, the leader of the Riders stabbed what was apparently Frodo. Frodo screamed.

Luckily, at that point, Strider came out of nowhere and attacked the Riders with a flaming tree branch.

The Rider withdrew his blade and dropped it. Frodo reappeared, screaming. Sam ran over to him.

Strider continued to fight off the Black Riders. They ran away, flaming like those fireworks at Bilbo's party.

"Strider!" Sam called. "Help him, Strider!"

Strider came over to see what happened. He picked up the Rider's knife. "He's been stabbed by a Morgul blade." The knife dissolved before our eyes. That was probably the strangest thing I've ever seen.

"This is beyond my skill to heal," Strider said. "He needs Elvish medicine."

He picked up Frodo and started to go down the hill. We followed. As we hurried on to Rivendell, we could still hear the Riders in the area, screaming.

"Hurry," Strider said.

Sam told him, "We're six days from Rivendell! He'll never make it!"

Frodo started calling out for Gandalf.

"Hold on, Frodo," Strider said.


	15. Elf Maiden

And then, Frodo got kidnapped. Well, Strider wouldn't say kidnapped, since he trusted the lady…

* * *

><p>Merry and I went and checked out the cool stone statues while Sam tried to take care of Frodo.<p>

"Look, Mr. Frodo! It's Mr. Bilbo's trolls!" Sam said. He felt Frodo's forehead and called to Strider, "He's going cold!"

I looked over and asked, "Is he going to die?"

"He's passing into the shadow world," the human said. "He will soon become a wraith like them."

Frodo had sort of a panic attack as one of the Riders called out in the distance.

"They're close," Merry said.

Apparently they weren't as far as I thought.

Strider asked, "Sam, do you know the Athelas plant?"

"Athelas?"

"Kingsfoil…?"

"Kingsfoil? Aye, it's a weed."

"It may help to slow the poison. Hurry!"

Sam and Strider ran off, looking for the weed.

A few minutes later, an Elf lady came riding up on a big white horse. Sam and Strider followed on foot. Apparently the two found more than a plant.

The Elf got off the horse and walked over to Frodo. "Frodo, im Arwen," she said. "Telin le thaed. Lasto beth nîn. Tolo dan na ngalad."

I had no idea what she was saying. I said so. Everyone ignored me. The lady knelt down next to Frodo. So did Strider.

"She's an Elf!" Sam said.

"No, really?" I whispered, sarcastically.

Strider chewed up some of the Athelas and covered Frodo's wound with it.

"He's fading," the lady said. "He's not going to last. We must get him to my father. I've been looking for you for two days."

"Where are you taking him?" Merry asked.

Strider and the lady got up, Strider carrying Frodo.

The lady continued, "There are five wraiths behind you. Where the other four are, I do not know."

Strider put Frodo on the big white horse.

"Dartho guin perian," Strider said. "Rych le ad tolthathon."

The lady replied, "Hon mabathon. Rochon ellint im."

"Andelu i ven."

"Seriously! What are they saying?" I said. I was ignored again.

"Frodo fîr," the lady said. "Ae athradon i hir, tur gwaith nin beriatha hon."

"Be iest lîn."

Strider and the lady held hands a second before she got back on the horse.

"Arwen, ride hard," Strider said. "Don't look back."

"Noro lim, Asfaloth, noro lim!" Arwen said.

The horse sped off.

"What are you doing?" Sam asked. "Those wraiths are still out there!"

Strider didn't answer.


End file.
